I recently saw the short film on the School of Life website entitled, Ten ways to become a better person.

The video lists the ten virtues that these philosophers believe to be the answer to the world becoming a better place, and us better people.  And you know what? I believe them too. The ten virtues are:

1.       Resilience

2.       Empathy

3.       Patience

4.       Sacrifice

5.       Politeness

6.       Humour

7.       Self-awareness

8.       Forgiveness

9.       Hope

10.   Confidence

Consider the list for a moment. Some of the items are quite anachronistic, some you may even have to look up in the Dictionary to really get a feel for what they literally mean. And that’s okay by me- any learning you do is always a good thing. Nothing wasted. Bit like the ethos of recycling.        Bad experience in---à Cogitation/Processing --àLearning--àNew Behaviour out

All good see?

And that is certainly a worthwhile ethos to adopt for life. But do not forget the middle bit as we are all apt to do in our rushing about in this world, being successful and productive consumers and members of the Capitalist Dream Machine.

I always remember a book I read years ago called Resilience but sadly I do not recall the author and there are many such titled books. This one was a study of abused children and the author/s wanted to know what made some children not only survive horrendous childhoods, but do so in such a healthy manner that they then felt confident enough to give back to a society that had surely let them down in infancy. Many had such awful horror stories of their upbringing; mothers trying to murder them, being locked for days in closets, being physically, sexually and emotionally abused by parents and friends whom the parents brought home for the ‘party’- truly horrific tales that I cannot imagine surviving. But they did.

Many went on to repeat their parents’ awful patterns and became abusers themselves, but many did not. Some became youth workers and entered the social work system where they spent their lives trying to rescue children experiencing similar histories to their own.

The study surmised that of all these ‘healthy survivors’, at least once during their childhood a significant adult came into their lives and assured them of their worth, that what was happening was not their fault and they were lovable. It came down to love. As a teacher I find this heartening and invaluable wisdom. Children are on the whole resilient but need our reassurance to make them fully so.

Empathy is of course a vital virtue in fitting into society; it’s not just having sympathy for someone but a tendency to really understand what someone is going through and make a personal connection to their suffering- a heartfelt connection that is real rather than faked. It is what I call authenticity and I have met far too many people who lack empathy and instead throw about compliments and sentimental clichés which indicate they are not making connections with you at all but offering platitudes to make themselves look good and fit in- it is in fact an indication of sociopathy.

Patience. I guess in this busy world it is more necessary than ever before. We are plagued by so many things calling for our attention and demanding our time that frankly, it’s little wonder that we lose our temper on occasion. But the call for patience is more to do with acceptance of shortcomings in others and not bludgeoning them to death as we consider them a waste of oxygen. If that were the case, Cain would probably be the only one alive today. It is not a perfect world and we need to be realistic in our expectations. We need to know we are not the only priority in this world that we share with other equally worthy citizens.

I was stunned to see sacrifice here although I have always thought it an essential part of happy lives. The trouble is that one of you sacrifices for others and the others run along on their merry way having taken you for all they could and you are left drained and an empty husk of resentment. There are times as parents we certainly sacrifice; something we want in order to afford something for the kids, our own meal as our child wants more… but this is calling for more than sacrificing for your own child- beyond your own limited needs.

Do you remember the story of the German farmer who was enlisted into the army but refused to join? His family begged him to join up as the army were threatening to execute him. He refused on the grounds that he’d heard what was happening to the Jews and he would not be a part of it. He willingly sacrificed his own life because he wanted to stand against what he believed to be fundamentally wrong. Could you do it? I couldn’t. I’ll give up a sausage for No. 2 son, but not my life for others. But I guess I could stretch to sacrificing my seat on the bus for an elderly person.

Now you’d be forgiven for wondering why the hell politeness is on the list of imperatives for a happy civilisation but actually when you think about it, of course it’s required. If we all go about displaying how we really feel there’ll be bloodshed in KFC and shootings in the supermarket.

We have these rules around respect of the other in order to keep ourselves in check. Toddlers show you how we are hardwired and that behaviour is unacceptable as adults trying to achieve many things for ourselves while taking others into consideration without slaughtering those who are an impediment to our desires.

Humour would have been top of my list, but at least it made it. We all try to see the funny side of situations and this film suggested that this was “integral to wisdom”.  It is difficult as an adult toddler to accept that the world is not as you want it and nor can you bend anyone to your wishes without serious bribery. This realisation is central to self actualisation and healthy growth into maturity. Humour and self deprecation are important tools in allowing failures and mistakes to be viewed without catastrophic overtones, allowing you to go on in good spirits and prepare to fight another day.

Self awareness is a basic tenet of fitting neatly into a society. In order to maintain the status quo and not become a murderous beserker one must come to realise what is going on internally and resist the desire to blame the world for your ills, shortcomings or obstacles of the moment.

It was good to see Forgiveness make the list and I think we forget how important this is in maintaining sound relationships which is what community/ society is all about.

Sometimes we need reminding of all the times we were forgiven, or should have been. Harmonious life is impossible without allowing others to make mistakes as we do ourselves from time to time. Of course if it’s a constant lurch from one cluster fuck to another, it’s probably prudent to just throw them off an iceberg.

I kid you not. Some Innuit have been known to forgive shortcomings, give several warnings to repeat offenders and finally take you for a long walk from which you will not return.

An intrinsic part of forgiveness, we must remember, is the elemental reciprocity of the whole process and that is the transgressor must show/ feel remorse and at least attempt to not do it again.

Hope is on the list and I’ve had a long and awkward relationship with this beastie. I sometimes think that to entertain hope is to live in an unreality and a dream world that will never happen. Other times I think it is what sustains us and keeps us going. The quote from the film I loved though was,  “Pessimism isn’t necessarily deep, nor optimism shallow”.

Worth thinking about.

And finally they came up with confidence. Hmmm. I remember when I went through Uni as an adult student and all the young things were brimming with confidence. I was horrified by the prospect of mentoring small children. What if I broke one? What if I accidentally totally destroyed one’s self esteem by a thoughtless comment? The damage I could wreak was endless. Yet the 22 year olds, barely out of training bras all believed themselves to be the best teachers ever to walk the earth. While I admired their chutzpah, I was somewhat concerned that they many fall at the first hurdle due to an unrestrained imagination of their prowess as opposed to their actual real capabilities. Oh well, guess they’d learn. And I know they did. Better to be confident than scared. Better to try new things and to dare than cower on the sofa wondering what risk might be like but never finding out.

It’s a brave new world and the young things were all about jumping into it and ready to shape foetal minds into believing they could do anything.

And that can't be a bad thing. Then they could make the next generation better people.

In desperation to not appear like a loser and that I, like my ex, can “get” someone else, I decided to join RSPCA- at least that’s what I told everyone on Saturday night after several champagnes.

Van: That’ll explain why you’re only meeting old dogs.

Marg: Or young pups.

Me: Why? [it takes me a while to catch on.] Damn. They’re so similar…

Anyway, it struck me how many men were so hurt and desperate. The language used, the photos shown. So many shots displayed men hiding behind sunglasses and wearing hats and sporting beards- nothing to do with fashion either. It was plain hiding and ashamed concealment. There is low self esteem in abundance and uncertainty about their age, their looks, their worth, dribbling from pores and hair follicles. And it was just so heartbreaking.

Many had the expression of being whipped; their eyes were filled with sadness. And I just wanted to join the RSPCA and take them home and feed them and help them find a new owner.

In the throes of a separation (or apparently a divorce) [again] I am once again reminded of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief. I have traversed this road before so am familiar with the sometimes arduous journey. It is costly, this human relationship business and not least of all because at some stage, inevitably, it has only one place to go and that is down- to loss. For one of you at least.

It is common for many, if not most, to wish to avoid the pain that accompanies loss and change. Some of us drink, some of us medicate, some of us withdraw completely and some of us talk incessantly to sift through the complex events leading to the loss in a bid to find some meaning in what is usually a senseless act or experience. Some run away to replace the dead dog with a new puppy.

The latter is in the long term, fraught with danger, but in the short term, when faced with the alternative which is to be alone with your misery, it is little wonder that so many of us opt for the less painful and more ‘fun’ alternative. Unfortunately if we ignore our emotional life, it will chase us down in the end like one of Crowley’s Hell Hounds when your ten years are up on the Crossroad Demon Deal...

...Anger is a more tricky stage and is most certainly one that does not bend to the rules of an orderly progression or in fact any order at all; it can be the utter chaos of the beginning of the universe when all semblance of sense was not yet formed. Anger is a primeval emotion that serves to both save and damn.

The adrenalin flash of anger and fear experienced by the hunter suddenly become the prey of a sabre tooth, allowed that rush of strength to overcome and survive the ordeal. But the opposite is also true and the anger Lizzie Borden felt to abusive parents resulted in her giving her parents “40 whacks” with an axe. This kind of impulsive and furious act is well within the imaginings of anyone who has ever been betrayed by a loved one and been left as pointless dust in the rearview mirror of the car speeding off into the distance with your spouse and their new lover ensconced with carefree laughter at the wheel.  To hunt them down and take out their helicopter of love with your handgun is surely your most passionate and all consuming desire.

Educating Rita was the 1983 version of Pygmalion where education of the underclass was shown to uncover a surprising intelligence hitherto unknown in the unwashed masses. This revelation was again put to the test recently by Chris (I can’t for the life of me believe he’s EDUCATION minister) Pyne. 

“UA was almost the sole public proponent of the university changes.”

Chris Pyne was recently pushing for reforms for deregulating Australian universities. This it seems to me is the act of a shameful (or is that shameless?) lobbyist move to support rich friends in high places. It’s a pity that our government is so immature along with the UA board who, as Ben Eltham says in his article, purport "to speak in the public interest.”

Pyne supported them all the way despite vociferous public outcry. But here I think, is why.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive nor the most intelligent, but those most adaptive to change."   Charles Darwin

 From its inception to the end of the First World War, the Bulletin was the most influential magazine in Australia. Its pre-eminence was primarily due to the innovative imagination and dynamic personalities of its founders, JF Archibald and John Haynes. The vision of Australia the Bulletin promoted was largely shaped by its editor, Archibald, and his aspirations for an independent Australia. The Bulletin began with social and political comment and seven years on, was employing contributors who shared the magazine’s outlook. The democratic ideals of mateship, an egalitarian and classless society and rebellion against the hypocrisy of British social mores (and rule) were all being advocated by the young writers of the Bulletin School with passionate conviction. Archibald’s own bias was reflected in the work he selected from these contributors, leading him to recognise the extraordinary talent of his protégé and fellow nationalist, Henry Lawson.

“We either live together, or we die together,”

was the slogan used by Egyptian Muslims in the 2011 tensions. On Christmas Eve, Muslims protected Christians from Muslim extremists by using themselves as human shields during the Coptic-mass. It was a moving and poignant reminder of how wonderful can be the human spirit.

I was reading Michael Brull in the New Matilda this morning and his writing echoed much of what I have been thinking about lately in light of the Charlie Hebdo murders and the overwhelming public support of what is viewed in the West as the fight for the Freedom of Speech and Democracy. He wrote; “Our defence of 'freedom of speech' appears to be qualified by whether or not we actually find the speech offensive.”

But I am struggling with my values and trying to divine an ethical stance. What does FOS really mean? If it is a blanket principle then we can say whatever we like. If there are laws against incitement and offense then we must be consistent. In order to enrage the small number of terrorists we are risking offending the vast majority of Muslims. How can we say that is ok?

Murtaza Hussein a Canadian journalist wrote in Twitlonger today "freedom" also means the freedom from suffering insult and humiliation to the things that are most cherished [by] them.”

Of the 196 countries in the world, 25 countries have an average wealth of over $100,000 per annum. In the 20 severely poor countries in the world, the average earning is less than $3 per day. Of course the cost of living is lower there, but then the market is not somewhere you could do much spending if you did have more than a slug’s fart to spare.  Zimbabwe for example, at its current growth rate will be considered a rich country in 2,722 years. I don’t know if I was Abayome Okeke, a goat farmer, I could wait that long frankly.

Why are some countries rich and others so poor?